I AM CRAZY!!!!!

WELL TWO AND A HALF YEARS LATER I AM FINALLY OVER JAY ALTHOUGH I STILL TALK TO HIM AND HANG OUT WITH HIM ITS NOT THE SAME WE ARE FINALLY FRIENDS I LET GO OF THINKING THINGS WOULD CHANGE HES GOING TO HAVE A BABY IN A FEW MONTHS AND I AM OK WITH THAT I STILL WISH HIM NOTHING BUT THE BEST AND THINK HE IS AN AMAZING PERSON.IN A WAY I BLAME HIM FOR EVERYTHING THAT I USED TO FEEL THE DEPRESSION THE ANGER THE INSECURITY THE HATRED OF MY SELF BUT I REALIZE THAT I FEEL ALL OF THOOSE THINGS ANYWAYS. I FELL IN LOVE AGAIN. THIS ONE I NEVER THOUGHT WOULD HAPPEN AND I HATE THE FACT THAT I CANT STOP IT EVEN THOUGH I HAVE NOTHING BAD TO SAY ABOUT THIS MAN.HE IS TOTALLY INCREADIBLE HE REALLY IS THE BEST PERSON I HAVE EVER MET.BUT HE SCARES ME TO DEATH.WE ARE NOT BOYFRIEND AND GIRLFRIEND. I WAS WRONG TO FALL IN LOVE WITH HIM BUT I CANT HELP IT....I FELL IN LOVE WITH MY BEST FRIEND WHO I MET 6 MONTHS AGO AND IT STARTED OUT AS A ONE NIGHT STAND AND FROM THAT NIGHT ON FOR 5 MONTHS WEVE BEEN TOGETHER NON STOP UP UNTILL I LOST MY CAR.THEN I ONLY SAW HIM 3 TIMES A WEEK I FOUND A RIDE TO HIS HOUSE AND ONE NIGHT I WANTED TO SEE HIM SO BAD I WALKED FROM MY HOUSE TO HIS 15 MILES BUT IT REALLY DIDDENT BOTHER ME.NOW I SEE HIM ONCE MAYBE TWICE A WEEK IF THAT.IT SUCKS BUT WITH ANY LUCK MY CAR WILL BE FIXED SOON.

i am so stupid

well im finally over jay but that doesnt mean anythig i am still stupid and nieve i hate feeling like this !!!!!!!!! i am so stupid!!!!!! ijust wish idiident care and my walls were still up!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

NOTHING MUCH HAS CHANGED LIFE STILL SUCKS

nothing much has changed in my life but it all still feel diffrent than before.my life right now still sucks.there is very little makeing it better.i feel very pathetic i have some one i know i can trust butim still scared to trust this person im afraid he is going to back stab me just like the rest of the world has.i have so many insecuritys they are eating me alive and no one seems to notice.i still miss jay although i am doing alot better.i can see him with out crying after or calling him the next day even though i still ant to talk to him i want him to call.i know he wont because he doesnt care he has a baby on the way a new girlfriend and a new life that has nothing to do with me so why should i care it doesnt do any good though i know i will always love him.so anyways i have a car finally my dad bought it for me i have to pay him back and i feel bad that i havent really paid him that much but i havent had any money i keep bounceing jobs.but i just got a new one that i am pretty sure i am going to keep!!!! i have met a new guy and a few new girls that i have made friends with but i do know one thing though bitches they come they go sauterday through sunday sunday through monday yo!!!!! i still think girls are ass holes!!!!
  • Current Music
    just a friend- mario

life sucks

life sucks the one man i love is going out with a 30 year old woman my "friends" are all a bunch of druggies i cant stand this state it sucks i just wish i had my degree so i could get the fuck out of here.i am so tired of being used and having my feelings hurt by stupid ass holes but one day the whole world is going to wake up and realize im not a bad person and idont deserve to be treated like this. i dont know what i did wrong in past lives but god is punishing me for it now!!!!!! life sucks!!!!!!!!!!! but i am strong so i will survive i dont need anyone !!!!!i cant trust anyone especially not the one person i thought i could and no one cares so fuck em !!!!!!!!!!fuck em all!!!1
  • Current Music
    this is not me static x

me and jay broke up again

big suprise we broke up again he thought he was ready but hes not. i just dont get it.i wasent ready to get hurt all over again but thats what happened i was scared going in and hurt comeing out but i took the chance because i love him.i just wish he could see past donna.or if its not her i dont know i just wish he would talk to me about it.
  • Current Music
    none but when i got to bed fallin by alica keys my song 2 j

good news and bad news

my good news is i am back with jason and he gets out of jail in one day. the bad news is i got in a car accident with my friend stef.so now when i get my license back my insurance is going to be sky high and i need to buy a new car.sucks to be me huh!and erin i shouldent feel bad about breaking up with matt because
he slept with a friend we both know and he said the only reason he went out with me was because he felt bad for me because he knew i liked him.he can fuck him self i hope some one beats the shit out of him hes a fag and i am back with jason wich is where i wanted to be in the first place:)
  • Current Music
    what my heart says by monica

good news and bad news

my good news is i am back with jason and he gets out of jail in one day. the bad news is i got in a car accident with my friend stef.so now when i get my license back my insurance is going to be sky high and i need to buy a new car.sucks to be me huh!and erin i shouldent feel bad about breaking up with matt because
he slept with a friend we both know and he said the only reason he went out with me was because he felt bad for me because he knew i liked him.he can fuck him self i hope some one beats the shit out of him hes a fag and i am back with jason wich is where i wanted to be in the first place:)
  • Current Music
    what my heart says by monica

BRING IT WHAT WERE NOT HERE BRING YOUR MESAGE AT THE TONE WERE NOT HERE LOL ERIN

I DROPPED OUT LIKE TWO OR THREE WEEKS AGO NOW ALL I DO IS WORK AND SIT AT HOE ON MY ASS MY JOB IS TIT THOUGH SO I DONT MIND I MISS MY BEST FRIEND ERIN AND STEF I MISS MATT TO BUT OH WELL SIGH IF HE ONLY KNEW HOW MUCH I LIKED HIM WE COULD BE GOOD TOGETHER BUT HE LIKES SOMEONE ELSE I WOULD TREAT HIM LIKE GOLD BUT LIKE I SAID HE LIKES SOMEONE ELSE> I STILL OVE JAY BUT HE HATES ME SO THATS A CLOSED BOOK!I MISS MRS>BLINN TOO SHE IS ONE OF THE ONLY TEACHERS THAT REALLY CARES ABOUT ME> ERIN I MISS YOU

i got three new cds last night

i got three new cds last night :

lil zane young world the future
ja rule : pain is love
and usher: 8701

as if anyone cares but i got new cds over the summer too:
sisqo: return of the dragon
redman:malpractice
city high: what would you do single
linkin park:hybird theory
toni braxton:the heat
wwf tough enough soundtrack
lil kim: notouris kim
brian mcknight:back at one
lonestar:lonely grill
olivia : bizounce single
light it up soundtrack
staind:break the cycle
d12:devils night
Aaliyahs self titled cd
504 boyz:goodfellaz
brandy:never say never
exit wounds soundtrack
foxy brown:broken silence
eve:scorpion
and
st>lunatics:free city

well erin should be going out with she knows who soon.i love erin erin loves cris i think matt is hott i love jay.i miss my gram i have been really depressed lately. i found this poem that is my poem to jay i want to put it on my journalsoon.i am going ove erins aunts tonight
  • Current Music
    lil zane:none tonight